Learning to Feel Safe Again

Guest Blog by Jay Siegmann

Jay is a non-binary, neurodivergent storyteller and creator who I had the pleasure to meet via Substack. They are an absolutely stunning writer and they wrote this piece about their journey with trauma and the long, winding path toward safety and wholeness..

Trauma, Your Nervous System, Your Fascia, and the Path Back to Trust

"Why do I freeze when someone raises their voice—even if they’re not yelling at me? Why does my body go tight when I walk into a room full of strangers or the street? Why do I feel exhausted after doing something that should be ‘no big deal’?"

Artwork by Jay Siegmann

We ask ourselves these questions quietly, often with shame. We blame ourselves. We assume there must be something wrong with us. Yet these reactions aren’t failures. They’re signals—signs that our nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep us safe.

When you've lived through trauma—whether it's a single event or years of subtle, chronic harm—your body becomes a brilliant, if sometimes overprotective, sentinel. This essay explores how the nervous system creates our sense of safety (or lack thereof), how trauma reshapes that baseline, and why healing begins not with "thinking differently," and instead with helping the body feel safe enough to shift.

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The Nervous System Isn’t Logical. It’s Protective.

At the core of how we experience the world is the autonomic nervous system. This system, largely outside our conscious control, constantly scans our internal and external environment to assess: Am I safe? Or am I in danger?

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, gives us a helpful map for understanding these shifts. It identifies three primary states:

• Ventral vagal: When we feel safe and socially connected. We're open, curious, and engaged.

• Sympathetic activation: When our system detects a threat. We become alert, anxious, ready to fight or flee.

• Dorsal vagal: When danger feels overwhelming or inescapable. We shut down, go numb, dissociate.

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Our bodies decide which state to enter based on a process called neuroception.

Neuroception is the nervous system's built-in threat detector. It works below the level of conscious thought, picking up cues from facial expressions, tone of voice, body posture, and environment. And here’s the important part: neuroception isn’t always accurate. Trauma can teach our bodies to detect threat even when none is present. A slammed door. A harsh tone. An unfamiliar setting. All can trigger a survival response.

We don't respond to what's happening. We respond to what our nervous system believes is happening.

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Our Issues Are in Our Tissues—Literally.

The nervous system doesn’t operate in isolation. It communicates through the entire body—including a lesser-known and vitally important structure: the fascia.

Fascia is the connective tissue that wraps around every organ, muscle, and nerve in the body. It's often described as a second nervous system because of its incredible sensitivity and responsiveness.

When we experience trauma, the body doesn’t just move on. Fascia can hold that experience in the form of tension, constriction, or disconnection. Over time, these holding patterns become embedded in how we move, breathe, and relate.

You might not remember the moment your body learned to brace, to collapse, to numb—and your fascia does.

Many trauma survivors report symptoms like tight shoulders, clenched jaws, shallow breathing, gut issues, or feeling "outside their body." These aren’t random. They are embodied echoes of past danger, encoded in tissue.

When we say "the body keeps the score," fascia is one of the ledgers where it’s written.

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Safety Is a Felt Sense, Not a Fact

One of the most frustrating things about trauma recovery is how often we’re told to "just relax," "let it go," or "stop overreacting."

Yet you can’t think your way into safety.

Safety is not a concept. It's a felt sense. And it's unique to each person. What feels safe to one person might feel overwhelming to another. That’s not a character flaw—it’s neurobiology.

Understanding this helps reframe the shame many survivors carry. If you feel hypervigilant, shut down, disconnected, or constantly on edge—there is nothing wrong with you. Your body learned that the world isn’t always safe. It adapted. Now, healing means gently teaching it that conditions have changed.

This is where co-regulation becomes powerful. We regulate our nervous systems not just alone, and through connection—a kind voice, steady eye contact, a soothing presence. These are not "small things." They are neurobiological interventions.

In addition, practices like breathwork, gentle movement, trauma-informed bodywork, and sensory regulation (like weighted blankets or calming textures) help remind the body that it's no longer in danger.

Safety grows slowly. In micro-moments. In body-sized steps.

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Reclaiming Our Right to Feel Safe

Safety is not a luxury. It’s a biological requirement for healing, connection, and growth. For many trauma survivors, it can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe at first. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body remembers.

Healing isn’t about silencing that memory. It’s about listening to it, honoring it, and creating new experiences that gently reshape it.

You are not too sensitive. You are attuned. And that attunement kept you alive.

Now, with support, you can begin to teach your body what it never had a chance to fully learn:

You are allowed to feel safe. And that safety belongs to you.

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Glossary of Terms: Understanding Your Body's Language of Safety

Polyvagal Theory Terms

Autonomic Nervous System (ANS): Our body's unspoken manager, the ANS quietly orchestrates our automatic functions like breathing, heart rate, and digestion. It’s constantly scanning our environment—both inside and out—to assess if we are safe or in danger, shaping our every interaction and feeling without us even realizing it. Think of it as your body's built-in wisdom.

https://www.merckmanuals.com/home/brain-spinal-cord-and-nerve-disorders/autonomic-nervous-system-disorders/overview-of-the-autonomic-nervous-system

https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory

Neuroception: Imagine an internal smoke detector that works faster than thought. Neuroception is your nervous system's unconscious radar, constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat in your environment, in others, and within your own body. It's why a sudden loud noise might make you jump, even if you know you're safe. Sometimes, especially after trauma, this radar can become overactive, detecting danger where none exists.

https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory

Interoception: Imagine your body's "inner eye," always observing what's happening inside. Interoception  is our ability to sense and interpret the subtle signals from within our own bodies – things like a rumbling stomach, a racing heart, the clenching of a jaw, or a feeling of warmth spreading through our chest. It's the silent dialogue between our body and our brain that informs us about our internal state, telling us if we're hungry, tired, in pain, or experiencing a surge of emotion.

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/04/sensations-eating-disorders-suicidal-behavior

https://napacenter.org/interoception/

Polyvagal States (The Three Pathways to Presence): Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory maps the three main states our autonomic nervous system cycles through in response to safety or threat. These aren't just physiological states; they deeply influence our emotional and relational experiences.

• Ventral Vagal State (Social Engagement System): This is the pathway of connection and ease. When our system is in ventral vagal, we feel safe, curious, open, and able to engage meaningfully with others. It's the state where we can truly rest, digest, and connect. Think of it as the "green light" for social connection and well-being.

• Sympathetic Activation (Mobilization/Fight-Flight): When our neuroception detects danger, our system shifts into sympathetic activation. This is our body's readiness for action—to fight for safety or to flee from threat. You might feel a surge of energy, a racing heart, or anxiety. It’s a powerful, adaptive response, designed for survival.

• Dorsal Vagal State (Immobilization/Freeze/Shutdown): When a threat feels overwhelming or inescapable, the most primitive part of our nervous system might take over, leading to dorsal vagal shutdown. This is a survival strategy of last resort, where the body conserves energy by going numb, dissociating, or even collapsing. It’s a profound protective mechanism that can leave us feeling disconnected or "checked out."

Co-regulation: We are not meant to regulate alone. Co-regulation is the profound process by which we soothe and influence each other's nervous systems through safe connection. A kind voice, gentle eye contact, a steady presence, or even shared laughter can help bring our systems back into a state of ventral vagal safety. It's how humans are wired to find safety in relationship

https://www.complextrauma.org/glossary/co-regulation/

Fascia Terms

Fascia: More than just "packaging" for our muscles, fascia is a vast, intricate web of connective tissue that weaves through every part of our body, from head to toe. It encases muscles, organs, nerves, and bones, forming a continuous, three-dimensional matrix. Think of it as a dynamic, responsive internal suit that provides support, allows movement, and, crucially, holds memory.

Fascial System: This term emphasizes the continuous, interconnected nature of fascia throughout the entire body. It's not just isolated sheets; it's a living, breathing network that communicates and responds to our experiences. When we talk about "the body keeping the score," the fascial system is a key part of that record-keeping.

Myofascial Release: A therapeutic approach focused on gently releasing tension and restrictions within the fascia. Because fascia can hold physical and emotional imprints of stress and trauma, techniques like massage, sustained pressure, and movement can help unwind these "holding patterns" and create more space, ease, and flow in the body.

Embodied Echoes: This poetic term describes how past experiences, particularly trauma, can be "encoded" or "held" within the body's tissues, especially the fascia. These are not just memories in the mind, but a physical resonance – a tightness, a brace, a numbness – that reflects an adaptive response to past danger, even long after the event has passed.

Jay Siegmann 

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